i feel like king
of kingdom “analysis paralysis”
yet in this inverted kingdom
i am ruled, and misery has its fill

a day in the life of my reign:
one second i am hopeful about life
the next moment i hate who i am
unable to rein in my angst

when i’m inspired to grow a new skill
the unwelcome fear of it “sucking”
the fear of delayed perfection
removes the zeal; nothing gets done, too

“i want to leave a legacy”
is my constant chant
yet i fail to be faithful today
forgetting that i cannot live in the future

does it matter if i stumble and do badly
who cares if my art sucks
the very nature of growth begs for change
i only need to walk through the open doors

this poetry piece shall be my warfare
against this exhausting kingdom
may my pen be my sword
until i finally have peace

LORD, help me to know for real
that it is okay for me to not be perfect (yet)
for i am secure in you
and so i can fear no shame

the cross undid the fall
so even when i fall and fail
i know i can rise again unashamed
for by your blood you cross out my sins

i am free to write, learn, grow and train
free to try out new things boldly
free to wait patiently and work passionately
for you bring fruit at the right time

i choose to abdicate my throne
no more king of that horrible kingdom
for the KING OF KINGS has rescued me
and thrown down the power it has over me

amen.

“one who watches the wind will not sow,
and the one who looks at the clouds will not reap”
-ecclesiastes 11:4